— sojourning, us

WIP Wednesday: A Little Busy Over Here

sorry for missing a post yesterday. i just couldn’t think of what would be a fantastic tutorial or other tidbit to share. i’m also suddenly busy with work again, which is (of course) a good thing. the sporadic schedule of a freelancer is still rather interesting to me; i keep hoping for work to pick up and become more regular, but i know there are some things i still need to work on personally first. i’m a little frustrated at how it seems nearly impossible to hear back from some of the freelance opportunities i apply to online on places like freelanceswitch or freelancefolder. i’ve sent plenty of applications and have only heard back from one. maybe two.

i guess i know i’m bursting with all of this eager, excited energy, but i still need to beef up my portfolio. well, i’ve got two pro bono websites in the wings and a non-profit site that i just met with the client for today.

i’ve also got some wedding invites to silkscreen. it’s a lot of work (work i should probably have started by this time in the evening, to be honest), but they’re going to look so great when they’re finished. i just don’t know if i have enough room in our townhouse to lay them all out to dry—150 invites, 150 RSVP cards are a lot of little sheets of paper!

anyway, i’m still struggling with my identity, i think. i feel like i really need to figure out what it is i do best, what it is i’m happiest doing. i don’t think i know the answer to that yet.

i love the web.

but i also love illustration.

i also love photomanipulation and image editing.

i also love silkscreen and printmaking.

i also love sewing.

so. uh. which is it? should i focus on one? all? none? is there something i’m still missing in this puzzle of my life as a self-employed creative?

i don’t know yet. i’m not sure. i feel like the picture was clear, but after what feels like rejection after rejection (silence can be just as heavy as an email negative), i’m beginning to question whether or not i’m good enough at what i think i’m good at. i think i just need more examples of what i can do—i’ve been designing for the web for almost 10 years now, people. 10 (and that’s not counting the few years before that i taught myself HTML and built my own blog as a high school student). i’ve also been drawing and printmaking for that long, too.

i hate feeling stuck. it’s the worst feeling ever.

i hate realizing that i have all of this passion, this potential, but i feel like it’s being wasted. on nothing.

someone notice, would you?

i’ve got a lot to give here, you see.

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  • http://www.with2nsdesigns.com Dannielle

    it’s not an easy question to answer. you will probably be re-evaluating it all your life. You are a great designer, and people will see that, but things take time and opportunities come when you least expect them.
    I don’t think you are wasting your potential at all. But sometimes things are slower then we would like them to be. I think it will take a few more months, but it will work out for you and you will be glad you did it. Good things are coming! I can feel it!

    • http://niftysmith.wordpress.com/ niftysmith

      Aw, thanks. You’re always right there with fantastic encouragement.

      I think self-evaluation is definitely a good thing. I know that for myself personally, I have to be careful not to be overly negative. I’m a creative and a perfectionist, which often leads to bouts of self-pity or melancholy. I’m sure it makes for good writing every once and a while, but it’s always better for my productivity if I remain a struggling optimist instead.

  • Brad

    You are so talented it makes me both jealous and motivated :)

    • http://niftysmith.wordpress.com/ niftysmith

      Me? I’m talented? Ha! At least you’ve got lots of work to keep you busy (SHARE). <3 Thanks, Brad. We need to collab sometime on some awesome art projects. It would be full of win.